It's my birthday!!!!! Yay! I'm going to London for a lovely meal at a Gordon Ramsay restaurant with my lovely friends and then I'm going to get drunk and I DON'T CARE! Being the sad singleton that I am, I'm listening to Stevie, followed by Altered Images which I do every year and which, I won't lie, makes me very happy.
In other news, I lost 2lbs this week. It was ever so slightly a cheat because I'd been on course all week to get that loss, then when I weighed myself first thing I'd only lost a lb, but then, when I went back a couple of hours later, off it had come, so I'm taking that thank you very much! I did a spreadsheet earlier in the week to calculate how long it would take to meet my ultimate goal (and smaller, sooner goals) and I should be well into a 'normal' weight range by July 2012. It seems ages away but it's really not is it. The first proper goal to reach is obviously my Lowest Adult Weight and that should happen mid-April, which is thrilling!
So then, I've lost 2lbs, then a further 1lb, total 4lbs. Not massive but every week I clock up (or should that be down?) a loss I shall be happy.
I think my head is in the right place now. The new Points Plus or whatever it's called is helping, I have what feels like a crazy ass number of points now and exercise seems to earn ridiculous numbers too so it feels much easier than before. I'm hoping for a 2lb or more loss next week so I'm back under 300lbs and then this time I WILL NOT GO ABOVE THAT AGAIN. I WILL get to my L.A.W* within the next 12 weeks or sooner (giving me a target of just under 2lbs a week) and I'll try my darnedest to get to -70lbs by my friend's wedding at the beginning of September, which is *checks diary, does calculation* by jove, almost exactly 2lbs a week, eek!
I've been thinking about what I'd like to treat myself when I reach this goal and I've always wanted to own Vivienne Westwood clothing and this wonderful dress goes right up to a UK20! Yes it's a lot of money, but I'd be so proud of myself if I achieved my goal I'd just go for it.
I also blow and hot and cold all the time about wanting a wrist tattoo. I have a design I'd love to use, I'm just a bit of a chicken, both pain wise and permanence wise! Long time in the future to be thinking about all this too hard now, I'm sure there'll be some rocky times ahead!
I had a lovely weekend, didn't bother tracking but then, I never was going to, but I don't think it's made a huge difference.
I weigh on Fridays and I was 1lb down which I was mostly happy with. I think it's a lie that people can look at the scale and go 'YAY A POUND!' (perhaps unless it's your last pound to lose or you've had a horrific week of eating) but it's a start and I shan't worry it wasn't more :)
In other news, I met a lovely lovely boy on Saturday but was too chicken to do anything other than ramble drunkenly at him and hope he'd make a move. He didn't and now I'm left feeling ragey that I'm so rubbish with men being that I'm so affected by the thought that if I had made a move all he'd have done is go 'AHAHA BUT YOU'RE FAT!', despite the fact that before I spoke to him, he'd been lingering about for about an hour to the point that even my friend noticed and basically shoved me at him*. Ugh, I am ridiculous!
Nearly a week of the new year has passed already, wowzers! Doesn't time fly when you're...um, sleeping...
Yes it's been a funny old week. Every has gone back to normal and in my state of unemployment I've remained the same. However, apart from Monday which was a Bank Holiday and therefore doesn't count, I've tracked every day and had two good hour long gym sessions. I didn't go today but spent over an hour on my feet mooching around town so that counts for something. Back to the gym tomorrow though.
I have a weekend of socialising coming up which won't do my tracking any favours, but frankly I feel in the right mindset right now and my housemate is also dieting so I don't think this will knock me in anyway.
I feel like I have so much I want to say but it's all swimming around in my head in a mush of unformed clouds and bubbles. Some of it is deep and meaningful, some of it is frivolous nonsense. So, where to begin? I guess as it's NYE the best place would be a review of the year! It's been a funny old year, mostly good to be honest. I've managed not to have any wild episodes of depression, I've had a lot of man action (!) and some fun times like a great holiday in Morocco and lots of weddings! I've also left my job of nearly ten years and one of my biggest goals for 2011 is to dramatically change career. This past month has been a bit peculiar though. I've had a few, I suppose emotional is the best word, wobbles regarding my current living situation and the most frustrating thing for me is that it's all tied up in my head with my weight. I can't get over the thinking that 'this wouldn't happen if I were thin', which is mental, because all of the minor and insignificant incidents which have bothered me could happen to anyone. I've not broken a chair or a bed or walloped anything with my arse or something like that! The trouble is, I expect that this weird over dramatic paranoia will stay with me regardless of my size! Anyway, enough of that, I just wanted to get it off my chest somewhere and shouting into the abyss seems as good a place as any!
So 2011? Here are my hopes:
~ To lose weight, duh! I'd like to lose 100lbs. I need to lose more but this seems like a reasonable goal for the year, reasonably tough but not out of the realms of possibility. ~ To find a job I enjoy ~ To meet someone special ~ To be consistently fabulous ~ To make a greater contribution to those less fortunate than me ~ To become financially responsible once and for all! ~ To have some wonderful experiences
Let's see if I can make it! And finally...
HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope 2011 is WONDERFUL for you all!
So the excesses of Christmas are nearly over and in two short days it'll be 2011. How crazy is that?! Twenty Eleven? Whaaat?
Starting something new at New Year is such a cliché, but I always feel a real sense of renewal at this time of year and I guess it's as good a time as any, better than 'tomorrow' eh?
The thing that's worrying me is how to tackle it. I've had good results with WeightWatchers but I dunno, I'm not sure how I feel about it these days. Then there's Slimming World, I know many people who've done well on it but for some reason it doesn't appeal. There are any number of other methods I could use too, low GI, low carb, South Beach, blah blah. Obviously the best way would be 'a balanced and healthy diet' but I think I need something a little more hardcore to get me going.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to go back to WeightWatchers because it's what I know and love but we'll see. Still got chocs from Christmas to get rid of yet!
The chances of anyone still knowing this blog exists are slim, but if you do, you'll have noticed a complete lack of posts. Yep, I deleted everything. I'm not the person I was when I began writing this and it all just seemed so horrible and whiny, self indulgent, ridiculous.
I still want to blog though, to a point(!), so here we are. I'm starting again. I've no idea if I'll keep this up but I'm temporarily a lady of leisure and I'm sure if nothing else does, boredom will push me into updating more regularly.
I guess broadly speaking this will still be a weightloss blog as this is something I want to concentrate on during my hiatus from employment but to be honest, there are bigger and better things in life so I don't want to restrict it to dieting or it's going to end up as another whinge-fest.
However, what I will say is that the little progress I'd made at this time last year has been wiped out. Yes it's depressing, yes I'm frustrated with myself, yes I've felt like giving up but on the same score, now is The Time. I'll never again have this opportunity to dedicate my time to properly putting the effort in and with so much else changing, why not add another thing. Yes I'm starting from a point I'd rather not be and it's going to take longer to reach what in my mind is a Magic Scale Number, but just because there's a roadblock and I've had to go a way that's going to take a bit longer, doesn't mean I'm not going to reach my original destination does it? I might just need a bit more gas, to read the map more carefully and a little extra patience!